Final Fanatsy VII Thanksgiving
by Kumo-Chan1
Summary: Cloud goes out to catch a Thanksgiving Chocobo... This is kinda strange because there are a few inside jokes, so if you don't get it, it's not because your stupid. XD R&R please


CHAPTER 1: Preparations Preceding the Party

The brisk November wind tore through the forests of Mideel as a lone chocobo and rider wandered into a clearing. 

"Thank Yevon, chocobo tracks FINALLY!" Cloud hopped off his chocobo. "Now you stay right here, Buttons. I'm gonna catch us a nice Thanksgiving chocobo!" Upon hearing this, Buttons went into a frenzy and attacked Cloud; clawing and thrashing until he lost his grip on the reins. In one final retaliation to it's cruel master, Buttons snapped at Cloud's arm; shattering the bone. 

"Wark wark" Buttons sang cheerfully and galloped into the forest.

"Christ on a Cracker.." Cloud murmured and fell to the ground.

Tifa was working out with her new Aeris-print punching bag when Barret rushed in, his heavy boots causing tremors to shake through the house with each step.

"GOD DAMN, WOMAN!" Barret snatched the punching bag away. "WHAT'DYA DO TO MY PUNCHING BAG?? Hey… this is pretty nice, I like the embroidery."

"Thanks, I stitched it myself!" Tifa grabbed at the bag.

"BUT IT'S STILL _MY BAG!" _Barret scurried upstairs with the bag. Before Tifa could pursue, someone held her shoulders from behind and spun her around.

"Where's Cloud?" Vincent asked desperately.

"Uhh.. getting the Chocobo for Thanksgiving, why?" She replied nervously.

"Something's wrong I know it!" Vincent looked to the heavens. "Rupert feels it in his bones…"

"And who exactly is Rupert?"

"The skeleton in my basement room, of course! He's Great at Solitaire, can't even beat himself!"

"Riiiight." Tifa backed away a little. " Well if you're so worried about Cloud, why don't you go check on him. He's been gone for awhile anyway and would probably like some company." 

"Where is he?!" Vincent grabbed the collar of Tifa's top. "Tell me!"

"Hey, no need to get hasty! ^^;" Tifa glanced down to make sure she was wearing her metal boots… she wasn't. "He's at the chocobo tracks near Mideel!"

"Oh really..?" Vincent flashed a sinister smile as he let Tifa's shirt slide back into place. Tifa nodded vigorously. 

"Sweet!" Vincent leaped gracefully out of the room like a swami.

"I should have never given Vincent that 'Cleanse your mind and spirit' book." Tifa sighed and collapsed on the couch.

It was already dusk and Cloud _still_ hadn't caught a chocobo! Would they have to resort to eating Cait Sith's Moogle? He certainly hoped not, that thing tasted like old carpet. Cloud looked at his swelling arm and cringed. 

"Well at least now I won't need that fake arm for my Qorl costume." He said. Suddenly a shadow fell over him and something pricked his arm. Before he could turn around he blacked out.

Tifa had resorted to using Cait Sith as a punching bag when Cid stormed in.

"GOD DAMN MOTHER FUCKER SHIT!!!!" Cid screamed as he lit a cigarette.

"Oh no," Tifa sighed. "What is it now Cid? Did you run out of tea again?"

"NO, SOMEBODY RAN OFF WITH MY BIKINI GODDESS, YOU FAKE LITTLE WHORE!"

"What…did you call me?" Tifa tightened the straps on her boxing gloves.

"Uhh… Someone I adore?"

"Oh really?"

"Uh heh heh yeah! Everyone knows your not a whore _anymore_!…oh shit." As Tifa gave Cid a little taste of the boxing that saved the world, she wondered why she had not used him as a punching bag before.

The little white room slowly came into focus, and Cloud found himself in some kind of hospital room. He was laying in a bed and covered in white sheets and a very fluffy pillow with a chocobo on it. It was quite embarrassing when Cloud looked under the sheets and found someone had removed his clothing. Oh well, what's the worst that could happen? Cloud was fingering the I.V. stuck in his arm when the doctor arrived. Cloud had been expecting Hojo, a Turk, or maybe his old doc from Mideel. But to his surprise it was none other than…

"Doctor Valentine at your service!" Vincent flashed a peace sign and dropped his clipboard. "Whoops…"

"What??!!" Cloud jerked up to a sitting position. "Vincent? What are you doing here? And what's with the strange nurse outfit.." 

"Well," Vincent said standing up. "I was worried about you because Rupert was getting bad vibes. So I borrowed the Airship to rescue you! ^^ Fearing the worst, I renovated a room in the Highwind into a complete medical facility. And here you are! The nurse attire… I don't know. It adds to the effect don't you think?"

"Yeah sure… how's my arm?" Cloud said.

"Not to good… you will be bed ridden for quite awhile I think." Vincent took a pair of rubber gloves out of a cabinet. 

" Bedridden? Why? I don't need an arm to walk!" Cloud swung his feet over the side of the bed. 

"No don't get up!" Vincent scrambled to shove him back in bed.

"And why not?"

"Because I haven't …umm… set the bone of course!" Vincent pulled the rubber gloves on his hands.

"Doo di doo doo! It's Cloudy!" The gloves sang.

"What! Why did your gloves talk?" 

"Oh don't mind them." Vincent proceeded to remove the sheets that covered Cloud.

"Whaa! What are you doing!" Cloud snatched the sheets back up. "I thought you were going to set my arm!"

"Well first I have to take a sample, silly." Vincent said, and grabbed the sheets again.

"What kind of sample?"

"Umm…a sperm sample! ^^" Vincent said, finally succeeding in removing the sheets. "Let's shake the dew off this lily, shall we?"

"What???!!! Oh no… you've been watching too much Tenchi Muyo! This can't be good…" 

Tifa was vigorously peddling on her aerobic bike and watching T.V. when the morning news came on. 

"That was a great report on the _inflation_ of breast implant prices," The anchorman said. 

"Oh maaaann," Tifa groaned.

"This just in!" The perfect-looking man said, with a glint of his teeth. "A madman has ransacked every airport on the western continent! So far there have been 2 deaths and 45 casualties. The man was heard screaming 'BIKINI GODESS WEAR ARE YOU!!!!'. Let's go to Elena, who is at Rocket Town." Elena appeared in the screen in front of two burly SOLDIERS restraining the man. "Hello Elena."

"Hey, Bob the Anchorman!" Elena grinned. "The SOLDIERS have caught the madman, who has agreed for a live interview! He says his name is Cid Highwind and he's trying to find his lost 'Bikini Goddess'."

"WHATTTT!!!!" Tifa fell off her bike and spit out her Gatorade.

"Mr. Highwind, could you please tell us what this 'Bikini Goddess' is?" Elena shoved the mic in Cid's face.

"Well…

"Aww you're so cyyute when you're sleeping Cloud," Vincent cooed as he made the final adjustments to his cast. "It's been a long day for you! And you _really_ need to rest up because tomorrow is the big Thanksgiving Party and…." Cursing to himself, Vincent hastily scribbled on a post it note and stuck it to Cloud's cast. After kissing Cloud daintily on the cheek, Vincent grabbed his gun, a purple matiria, and bolted out the door. 

"GAWD DAMN WHEN'S THAT SKINNY ASS WHITE BOY GONNA GET BACK??!!!!" Barret asked, intruding on Tifa's workout.

"Oh don't worry, Cloud'll be back soon.," Tifa said with an unusual lack of interest. "But look at this!" She pointed to the T.V. which was at the moment showing a huge crater where Cosmo Canyon had been.

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THERE? IT LOOKS LIKE SEPHIROTH CALLED ANOTHER METEOR OR SOMETHING!" Barret squealed.

"Close. Someone took the Highwind, so Cid took the meteor matiria and went looking for it," Tifa replied calmly and took a swig of Lemon-Lime Gatorade.

"THAT JENOVA FUCKER! WHO DOES HE THINK IS GONNA PAY FOR ALL THE DESTRUCTION HE CAUSED??"

"Not me," Tifa went back to pedaling.

"Not I!" red XIII hollered from the litter box.

"Me neither!" Yuffie chimed from the kitchen.

"Well _I _don't have any money!" Aeris called from the great beyond.

"I can't pay, I spent all my cash on medical bills from being used as a punching bag!" Cait Sith said, scooting in on a wheelchair.

"Aww shucks!" Barret said, noticing everyone was looking at him. "That's Marlene's schoolin' money!"

"Daddy! I'm not going to school, remember!" Marlene said, tugging on his pants. "I'm going to be a summoner just like lady Yunalesca!"

"Of course you are heh heh.." Barret backed out of the room. "Kids, they say the god damn darndest things." Barret ran away never to be seen again.

Cloud woke up, again. But this time his doctor was nowhere to be found. That magic

fingers thing was very intriguing to Cloud. Cloud glanced over at his arm and noticed Vincent had finished the cast.

"What the hell?" He peeled the post-it-note of the cast.

****

Dear Cloudy,

I went out to get the Thanksgiving Chocobo. I know you wanted to do it but

you've got to rest and thanksgiving is TOMORROW! O.O But don't worry about a 

thing *_~ I've got everything taken care of! You'd better get home though, just 

switch on the propellers. I set it to take you right to Tifa's. Rupert can give me a lift 

home. See ya at the party! ^^

~LUV LUV, Vincey

"I didn't know Skeletons could drive… Oh well." Cloud tossed the note in the trash and headed for

the bridge. 

"I'm really starting to get worried about Cloud," Tifa said to herself while doing push ups. "The 

Thanksgiving Party is tomorrow and he STILL doesn't have the Chocobo!" Suddenly a huge crash rattled the house. Tifa rushed outside to see what had called the disturbance.

To her surprise, in the front of her house was the Highwind, in perfect condition! The door hissed open and Cloud Strife stepped out. "Hey, Tifa!" He said.

"Cloud… how did you get in the Highwind?" She put her hands on her hips. "And were's the chocobo?"

"Thanks a lot Rupert!" Vincent whispered and slipped out of the skeleton's mustang convertible. "See you at the party tomorrow."

"Sure thing!" Rupert said, even though his voice box had clearly rotten away years ago. The skeleton sped off in the direction of the Shinra Mansion as Vincent began his preparations.

Vincent crept into the dining hall of Tifa's house. Without a sound, his unraveled his headband and unfolded it, revealing a festive table cloth and spread it over Tifa's table. Out of his pocket he pulled everything a party needed. From neatly folded napkins to a stage for the bands, he supplied them all. Finally at 2:00 AM Vincent placed the stuffed Thanksgiving Chocobo on the table and called it a wrap.

"Oh wow! This is wonderful!" Tifa stood in shock, gawking at her transformed dining room. "It's perfect, oh thank you, Cloud!"

"Huh?" Cloud stepped up behind her. "I didn't do it!"

"Then who did?"

Then a shadowy figure slid out from under the stage. "Hiya! Like the setup?"

"V-Vincent??" Cloud stammered. "YOU did all this?"

"Oh? You didn't want me to come?" Vincent looked surprised.

"No, not at all!" Cloud stepped closer to Vincent. "It's just you're so cold, it's like you don't even care!"

"Oh so I'm cool, huh?" Vincent moved closer so he was nose to nose with the other man.

"Hey!" Tifa called.

"Yeah, that's right." Cloud said, ignoring Tifa. "Please, Mr. Valentine, let me thank you for you assistance."

"A reward? I should do this more oft-" Cloud broke him off with a long deep kiss. 

"Thank You," Cloud said.

"Hey guys!!!!" Tifa was practically screaming by then.

"Oh, hi Tifa!" Vincent said, startled.

"I can't believe you didn't notice us all!" She said cheerily.

"Us..?" Cloud turned around slowly. "AHH! What are you all doing here??"

"Ohh y'know," Yuffie said. "Just watching the action, that's all."

"So THAT'S how humans show affection," Red XIII commented, suppressing a laugh.

"ARE YOU READY????????!!!!!!!!!!!" Bellowed Jonathan Davis from atop the stage. The entire population of Nibleheim was jumbled into Tifa's house, licking their lips and staring at the huge Chocobo. But when the crowd heard the familiar agonized scream from Korn's lead singer, they scrambled to the stage in a frenzy. Soon Tifa's dining room became a moshpit and Korn started into their first song.

"Hey daddyyyy," Korn's singer moaned into the microphone.

"I wish _my_ daddy were here," Red XII said, wiping away a tear with his handkerchief. The evening was crammed full of entertainment. Blink 182 and Limp Bizkit also rocked the house and broke a few things. 

"I'm gonna think of every one of you when I'm all alone in my bunk." Tom Delonge of Blink 182 said, surveying the crowd. "Starting with you!" He pointed at Tifa. "Starting with you!"

"Who here plays guitar?" Fred Durst shouted a couple hours later.  
"I do!" Cid grabbed his electric guitar and joined Fred onstage.

"Whoa! Wait a sec!" Fred said. "You don't have your makeup on yet." 

"Huh?" Cid was dragged backstage by the drummer and guitarist to apply the makeup. Meanwhile Fred and Jon were on stage together…

"Say what? Say what?" Fred called.

"My band is bigger than yours!" Jon responded. 

"Whoa! This is a beast of a chocobo, Vincent!" Tifa said, sitting down at the table. "How did you ever catch it?"

"Aww well y'know…" Vincent glanced over to Cloud, who was sulking and hiding his cast under the table. 

"I try I try."

"Vincent, thank you so much," Tifa kissed his cheek. "Whoops, that was Cloud's job!" Tifa giggled and poked Cloud.

"Let's just eat." Cloud said abruptly.

"What's with you?" Tifa asked. "Oh _I_ get it. You're mad because you couldn't even catch a chocobo without breaking your arm! That's it right?"

"Uh?" Cloud looked up, blushing. "No way! Why would I care about something like _that_?!"

"Heehee! You're so cute, Cloud!" Vincent said, then turning to the rest of the guests. "Let's eat!"

The dinner was excellent of course, it _was_ Vincent's handiwork after all. 

"Attention everyone!" Vincent shouted. "Now it's time for a very special band called…" a drum roll sounded. "The Specimens!" Four skeletons walked on stage and took their places at the instruments. "This is Harold," Vincent gestured to the waving skeleton at the drumset. "Sammy is the headless dog playing bass," the dog did a backflip in the air. "And Rupert is the dude with the guitar!" Vincent then gracefully back flipped onto the stage. 

The Specimens had a great performance in which they played Hawaii Five-O (surfboards included), Lowrider, and the old favorite Yu un die. But through the show, Cloud found that his thoughts wouldn't sway from Vincent Valentine. Sure Vincent had flirted with him more than once in a while, but should he really go through with it? Cloud liked Tifa also, in fact whenever he saw her in her two-piece bathing suit, well…you get the idea. If he got in a serious relationship with Vincent, what would Tifa think of him? Cloud decided to make a mind table.

"Would mini Clouds REALLY be kawii?" Clouds mumbled to himself.

"What did you say, Cloud?" Tifa asked, bending forward. Cloud caught himself watching her breasts bob over the table and blushed.

"Umm nothing!" he said, quickly looking back at the band. 

"This song is dedicated to Cloud Strife!" Vincent announced, catching Cloud's eye. "It's called 'When I get You All Alone'." A coffin appeared under Vincent's feet as he and the skeletons did choreographed Michael Jackson moves. And the singing began, "When I get you all alone! I'm gonna take off all your clothes!" 

"Oh no! not _this_!!!!!" Cloud groaned.

"C'mon Cloud!" Vincent giggled, pulling him onstage.

"Yup, good ol' Nibleheim." The man said. His chocobo lurched forward throwing ht e rider off balance. Gold chocobo's, though reliable, tended to do that. The inherited urge to run made them impatient and temperamental.

"C'mon let's go!" She said, her grass green chocobo squawking with excitement. "I don't want to be late for the festivities!"

"I wouldn't mind showing up on time, either." Another man said atop his black chocobo. He dug his boots into the chocobo, which went galloping into town.

"Shall we go?" She asked.

"We shall," He replied cheerily.

"What? Someone's at the door?" Tifa exclaimed. "I thought everyone was here already!" 

"I'll get it!" mumbled a heavily intoxicated Cid. Cid stumbled to the door and swung it open with the gracefulness of a Sinspawn. (Equivalent to the gracefulness of a hippo.) "Heeey! How's it goin', my man!" Cid slapped the visitor high five. "Hey everybody! Guess who's here! It's SEPHIROTH!!!!"

"What????" The music stopped, fragile things were dropped, and jaws fell wide open.

"Hey!" Sephiroth grinned, stepping inside. "Miss me?"

Stay tuned for …

CHAPTER 2: Unexpected, Undead, but not Unwelcome


End file.
